Houdini

Hi everyone, Hope this finds you well where ever you maybe. I spent a little time pottering around outside today, the weather was too nice to be indoors , and another nice day forecast tomorrow, I will spend the day in the garden as I have few plants that need repotting.
Just a few jokes tonight.

Bull
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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HOUDINI
A traveling salesman stops at a hillbilly farmhouse to sell some wares. While he's there a fierce storm comes up, and the farmer invites him to spend the night.
However, as there wasn't a spare bedroom. The salesman would have to sleep in the same room as the farmer's daughter, on the condition that if any hanky-panky went on and if the daughter got pregnant, the salesman would have to marry her.
The salesman eyes the daughter, who has the body of a goddess but the head of a fish, and figures out that he's being set up for a shotgun wedding. But he didn't want to brave the night's storm, so he agreed to the farmer's terms.
The next morning, the family is sitting around the breakfast table. The father asks the daughter, "Did he do it last night, girl?"
"Sure did, Pa."
"Excellent!" says the father. "If it's a boy, we'll call him Jed." "And if it's a girl," says the mother, "we'll call her Mae."
About that time the salesman came into the room holding a condom and grinning. "Well," he says, "if the little bastard gets out of this, we'll call him Houdini.

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THE FIRE DOG
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be."They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster."No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"

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FBI Canine
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

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To end with a few old saying's
A big tree attracts the gale. - Chinese (on pride)

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - Latin Proverb

A beautiful thing is never perfect. - Egyptian (on beauty)

A blind person who sees is better than a seeing person who is blind. - Iranian (on wisdom)

A body makes his own luck, be it good or bad. - unknown

A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother. - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

A burden that one chooses is not felt. - Italian (on self-reliance)

A carpenter is known by his chips. - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

A cat in gloves catches no mice. - 14th Century French Proverb

A chain is no stronger than its weakest link. - Sir Leslie Stephen (1832-1904)