Thursday, August 10, 2006

A FEW LAUGHS

Hi everyone
I have had a busy day been out shopping then to hairdresser.
it was such a beautifull day I didnt want to waste it inside
so spent the rest of the day in the garden ,
till it was time to get ready to go out for dinner with the Bowling club.
The menu: Smorgasboard Seaford.
A good night was had by all.
So tonight i decided to give the photo's a rest and post a few Jokes
====================
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)
___________
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
______________
*PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
_______________________
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
_____________
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
____________________
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
____________________
**GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:
*HE BUGS GORE
______________________
**THE MORSE CODE**:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
_________________
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the Letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
___________________
**ANIMOSITY:**
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
__________________
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:
*LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
_____________________
**SNOOZE ALARMS:**
When you rearrange the letters:*
*ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
________________
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
______________
**THE EARTHQUAKES:**
When you rearrange the letters
THAT QUEER SHAKE
______________
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters
TWELVE PLUS ONE
_________
AND FOR
THE GRAND FINALE
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
**MOTHER-IN-LAW:**
When you rearrange the letters
*WOMAN HITLER*
________________
=====================
Never Argue with a Woman !!!!
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her."
I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing.
I'm reading.""Yes, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."
But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden."
That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
V
V
V
v
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
====================
GOLF BALLS
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time,deeply thinking about what he had said.
V
V
V
v
V
V
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
========================
Italian Math



An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question," the foreman said, "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."
Wit outa numbers?" The Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds
to draw three trees.


"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same
rules but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture
that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to
represent 99?"


"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and
dirty tree. Dat is 99."


The boss is getting worried that he's actually going to have to hire
this
Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again,
but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says

"Ere you go. One hundred!"

The boss looks at the attempt.
"You must be nuts if you think that
represents a hundred!"

v
v v
v
(You're going to love this one!!!)
v
v
v
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
v
v
tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now
vyou got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and
v
v
v
v
v

a turd... dat makea one hundred. So, whena I start?"
===========================
*
*
*
*
*
AND REMEMBER:GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM, BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!!

9 Comments:

Blogger Sue said...

Hi Jen,
Thanks so much for visiting me and you kind words. Sorry to hear you've also lost your Mom. I'll be back to visit you again.
I enjoyed the jokes :-)

August 11, 2006 12:58 pm  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Jen,

Funny jokes! But did he draw the little doggy that laid the turd?

Janice~

August 11, 2006 4:01 pm  
Blogger Lee-ann said...

Hello Jen,
did you write all that tonight my gosh you ahve been busy. a lot of good fun there.

thank you for your lovely visit to my blog and I look forward to seeing you again and I will also vist you again.

Yep! g'day mate!

August 11, 2006 9:14 pm  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Jan, always good to get a laugh, good post.

August 11, 2006 11:27 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jen ~~ Some great jokes there and
we all like jokes. Thanks for your comments. Sue sent it to me and I was not familiar with Doughboy, but a few liked it. I always get the joke of the day out of the Herald Sun and most of them are Ok. Take care, Merle.

August 11, 2006 11:57 pm  
Blogger Jim said...

You are right, some people do have to much time on their hands. Do you think they are on the payroll while doing all this?
..

August 12, 2006 4:42 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Jen ~~ I hope you made some dumplings, they are great this time of the year. Take care, Merle.

August 12, 2006 7:57 pm  
Blogger DellaB said...

Hi Jeanette, I came in once before to say hello, but you were away - now I am so glad I came back, thankyou for the photos of your trip, it's so good to see places and things I'll probably never get to see for myself.

and thanks for the jokes too - very funny!
regards
Della

August 12, 2006 11:30 pm  
Blogger Gwen said...

Read blog Jan great additions keep up the great work.
Love gee.

P.S.
Loved your's too
Cazz.

August 19, 2006 9:21 pm  

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