Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Truth About Showering !!

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo'
sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.



Blogger Peter said...

No wonder the toiletries companies are all so wealthy, what with a bit over half the population bein' female.

July 19, 2006 11:56 pm  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Carol ~~ Do your mother and sister
have access to this blog or is it all going to be seen when they get home?
Very amusing anyway. You are catching
the bug --be careful !!!
Take care, Merle.

July 20, 2006 12:30 am  
Blogger Raggedy said...


July 20, 2006 1:59 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Hi Carol - - This is nice, now we all know.
I did my shower routine back in the spring. It wasn't a real big hit. You are a much better writer. Google Bath routine for Mr. Excitement to find it.
Keep 'em coming. Mom can only delete.

July 20, 2006 6:09 am  
Blogger Janice said...

Hi Cazz,

I see you changed the name, are you and Jeannette going to do this blog together then?

I read your bath rutine to my husbnad he laughed and said it was funny, and yeah he does some of that stuff too.

You do more in the shower than I do, Though I do use a loffa as well, and if I see my husband while I'm wearing my robe with nothing undernieth I usually flash him!


July 20, 2006 11:19 am  
Blogger Jim said...

Mrs. Jim and I exchange pinches, pats, rubs, and/or love nibbles in the coming and going. Old people, you know.

July 21, 2006 2:00 am  
Blogger Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Funny post. But my husband is usually right there as soon as I come out of the shower...chases me a bit, until I let him catch me.

July 21, 2006 10:43 pm  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I came over here via Peter's place.
Funny blog!
I enjoyed the read.

July 23, 2006 9:48 am  
Blogger Wystful1 said...

Love this! And yes........Most of what followed is/was TRUE

July 24, 2006 6:54 am  
Blogger Lady Cooper said...

Oh god, I shower like a man! (Well, replace willy with boobs. But still!)

August 04, 2006 5:39 pm  

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